you rattle in my thoughts
badger my gut
when i'm rounding for a night
of solemn sleep
i spend my time dissecting
what ur about
ur whiplash-tendancies
when i could just go out dancing
and forget u
forget ur mouth
(i'm sorry mother, i wanna say
i'm sorry father
i've embarassed/disappointed u both
in every way
so u say)
i cant sleep next to u anymore
it's like sleeping next to the open door
and u wont touch me with ur eyes
you wont sympathize
i wanna go home
and i don't know the roads
i dont if these sheets
will ever feel warm against my brow, again
my own, again
and i've spent so many years
begging god for relief
begging God for more than
an indwelt spirit
begging God
fucking begging God
like a rat
running here to there
where no one can see me
and where people don't go
so it shows thru my thoughts
my doubts my distraughts
and the automatic
ways u dismiss me
kill
please never write or speak my name
someone i got that message
but ur the one staying the same
for me
it's all an intercession
shut up and drive, I WANNA YELL
but i shut up and hide, instead
what did God say u once asked?
God and what mask?