Something critical is happening. I'm losing everything except my ability to fathom the significant overture of what is actually taking place. That bleak blank moments trying to resume thought, feeling, or speech. Im poor, wretched, blind and cant see the next steps. I am going from one point to another, at undesired speed. When will God have his precious mercy, when will I stop feeling so lost and lonely- so incredibly fucking lonely- no one would even understand. God is a consuming fire, and I'm burning. I'm burnt and bitter and the soundless madness of being alone is slowly killing me. It's like I'm being devoured with the utter devastation of feeling so empty and invalidated. I want someone to tell me what's happening, tell me I'm okay and worthy. It's the dark ages and I'm looking around for any semblance of understanding and comfort. I can't do this anymore, but what are my choices? I texted someone and told them I knew why Kurt Cobain killed himself.
"Because the next moment couldn't save him," I said.