I'm aching to feel good again. To look down at my legs and see them all thin. To wear my over-sized shirts and fit into the rest of my sexy kardashian-bohemian clothes again.
I have a sexy style but I don't have the body for my clothes right now because I gained some weight. It started in the hospital, when I was hospitalized for a hypo-manic episode. I gained 9 pounds there then 10 more pounds when I got out. I'm so upset about it, it like an enraging feeling in my neck, my gut, my body. Tomorrow I'm gonna start another round of hardcore dieting.
I have the motivation, it is lying deep beneath me, in my stomach, in my chest, in my heart, in the pulsating part of my soul's consciousness. I have the strength and power. It's all over my arms, my mind's eye, my mouth when I speak. And I also have the plan, it's written out in "notes" on my iphone.
It'll take me a few months probably. I'm just gonna eat 2-3 small meals, 0-2 snacks like fruit mostly. No white bread, no soda or juices, no fast food or overly-greasy food. No sweets or super-salty snacks. Sugar in coffee is okay. Iced tea is okay. Whole wheat break or Ezekial bread is okay.
I want to get there as fast as humanly possible but I think I should accept a slow-process also. I dont know what to expect yet so I may have to revise my goal weight dates depending how slow/fast I'm losing the weight. I'm just excited to get started.
I'm not dying my hair until I lose 20 lbs. Then I'm gonna die it a sexy blue-black again. Then I'm also gonna buy more clothes for work if I'm hopefully still working. (Please Lord, let me still be working after the holidays).
So the start date is Nov. 5th. I will start by eating a banana in the morning, rice with peppers for lunch (a small portion) and a sandwich on a whole wheat wrap for dinner. And maybe an apple for a snack before bed. I'm not gonna weigh myself until the 8th because I don't wanna get used to weighing myself every day. It's hard to see results that way. Anyway, wish me luck.
I'm doing me. I'm doing me this time. Everyone else comes second. I'm taking care of me right now. I'm trying to be good to me right now. I'm trying to get me back on track right now. I want to gain more confidence and strength and not feel like I can be over-run or out-run by anybody.
Time to pray for my new beginning again.
"I called out because of my distress
To God, and He answered me;
From the belly of Sheol I cried for help
You heard my voice."
Jonah 2:2
Wish me luck.