I am going to let go, let be. Take the opportunities I have to learn, grow, enjoy, and find my path. I used to say "sometimes I live just to have something to write about" and maybe that's my saving grace on these nights when I'd rather be beaten with a shovel then live another minute.
He doesn't like me. He thinks I'm simple, crazy, obsessive, all sorts of things that make me truly insane.. things u never wanna hear from a guy u almost fell for-- all that was needed was maybe 2 more enjoyable circumstances where he tells me what a nice guy he is and I believe him. But fate has cut asunder, and taken me prisoner. I'm blue but not completely fallen n unable to stand. I have my big dreams to keep me big and mobile. I don't need the abuse, when I could instead be somebody's muse. U know.. Or maybe all this is a lie I am telling myself. To keep from cowering completely, from never loving again unless there's significant meaning. Unless there's a big reason, unless it helps me disappear.