my soul feels empty
good things have gone
and good things have come
and good things have become
eternal in their expression
i feel i'm counting days
i see no stops for rest
leisure, play, love
pleasant moments
feel empty also
i am freed from food-sex
my face is melting into something
more honorable
and my hands know your ways
i feel if i grow too soon
there will be nothing to cry about?
have i loved misery and death that much?
i surprise myself when i think about it
how much i loved a good fight, or a bad fight
and how i could never see myself
outside this person i was
i want to believe
i want to believe because it keeps me
fighting
i wish i had a sense of real love
and what it's suppose to do
to the two it has caught up
i barely glance into mirrors
tired of looking anywhere really
tired of seeing anything
(i've seen myself in rain
for so long that happiness
has become a far-reaching
ambivalence i dont think
will ever be mine again)
without the fear
without the fear
i've come to hate surprises
afraid of more bad ones
and it scares me to my stomach
thinking it could get worse
is there another shoe that will drop?
and bury me to my death?
i'm alone and i'm hurting
so very sad that i can't get
myself thinking positively
i hope God is right
"let God be true
and every man a liar"
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