"The heart wants
what it wants" they say
and it's true
so
so many
times, my heart has wanted
something irrational
something that wasn't good for me
now here I am at 30
wanting something irrational
something that's not good for me
when i talk to
many guys
and should look
elsewhere
but i cant
all it does is bring me pain
to talk to you
"i never even think about being
with you" u said and
a week or so ago i was walking
down the street to meet up with you
God, whatever satanic thing
made u, must get a kick out of u
I hate u. and there u go.
and i'm tired of being put down
told to get lost or whatnot
by someone who never really took
the time to know me
but oh woulda just slept with me
if it had ever worked out that way
(this isnt a poem)
(none of them are)
they are just my blood
strewn into words, strings of thought
abdications of the heart
i never understood why i always
cling to the assholes
cling so hard that i dig
my nails until they i bleed, until
i make them bleed
until there's nothing left
but scar tissue and blood
"i'm dating someone else" i said
"yeah right" you said
and i guess we will see
who the fool in this one
will turn out to be
i hope i'm not the only one that sees it
i hope they'll all see
what a fucking fool u are
i wanna listen to a stupid song
right now to give myself
stupid hope
I've wanted to die so badly before
and i've had those feelings
the last few days
I dont know how to take care of myself
how any of it goes
but i know for sure
the pain has been like a narcotic
filling and intoxicatin me
and my heart is full of blood
blood from the bloodshed
and blood from my veins
and blood from the cross of Jesus
whose word i carry in my body
like a dead dog
like a dead fucking dog