Looking back with regret stings. Maybe at some points you did kno better, but you didn't care about fucking with things.. Or even fucking them up.
In my honest opinion, I've never been so unsure of myself, lacking total support, feeling like I'm in an island all by myself, how many times does one have to trial and error, raise the stakes.. Before it becomes too dangerous. And not the kind of danger that looks well on women, Grease 2, but the kind of danger that can leave u a wreck, at best. Ashes, dust-- at it's greater potential. Was I in Denial, Am I in denial?
Now I'm white with the gravity.. Of my actions. So unusual to feel so washed, flushed, embarrassed?
I want nothing more than to be forgiven, to start over, hang the past with clothing pins on a rope somewhere in the back, all short pictures that look alike from a distance.
I'm unbelievable. Do I deserve freedom!? Prawling through the dark, not finding anything to hold on to, when it's so weightless, when something that actually was valuable.. Saw the darkest/worst parts of me?
Can it ever be right?